Church

I have a complicated relationship to church. I grew up in a family that went to church. If you were at our house on Sunday, you went with our family to church. Jewish, atheist,Baptist, Catholic, you went. We were instructed by our parents to tell whoever spent the night (or happened to be living with us at the time)that if you were there on a Sunday morning, you were going to church so be sure to bring appropriate clothes. In the 70s, this meant coat and tie for the boys and panty hose for the girls.
When I graduated from college at 19 and moved into my own apartment, I quit going to church. I had gone through multiple periods in my teenage years of believing/not believing and was ready to find my own way. Years, I just went when Nathan my brother had something special going on or Christmas Eve service (my always and all time favorite service of the year).
Then, Nathan called and asked me to chaperone a rafting trip on the Ocoee with his youth group. I went, met a really cute boy who was a little younger than me but already out of school who was serious about church and youth group nurturing. Back I went to church and I admit, it was not for a good reason -- to hook a guy. But by the time I had moved on from that relationship, I was in deep at church. Youth group leader of middle schoolers (how is that for twist of fate), handbell player, Bible Study participant. Whole hog.
I think one of the main reasons that Don was attracted to me was that, like him, I was a Presbyterian. Okay, so maybe I held heretical beliefs, but I still went to church and participated and he was intrigued. After we were married, I drug him further into church life and truly, except for a brief summer when we changed from St Andrew Presbyterian to Mt Vernon Presbyterian, we have always gone to church.
Last year, I spent the whole year reading the Bible. You can read about that journey in this blog Bible in a Year. I learned so very much but in truth, much of it was very distressing and I seem to have fallen back into my teenage funk about church. And I seem to have little energy or enthusiasm for the ministry opportunities that have enriched and developed my whole sense of who and what I am.
When my readers and friends asked me what I was going to do next, I had no answer other than to take some time off of studying and teaching and most of all blogging. It is something to blog almost every day for a year.
And then this whole idea of being 50 and in a body that I am not proud of and with parents with failing physical abilities and wanting a new challenge for myself kept cropping up. And after watching a brief and tantalizing National Geographic video about the Appalachian Trail, I felt like that was it!
Except that, based on the way my life is currently structured, most of the hiking will be done on Sundays. While that is appealing to me NOW, in my depressed church-state, I know that sooner or later, I will pull out of this funk and will miss being at church week in and week out. I don't want to be one of those parents who quit going to church after their children go to college and only show up when the kids are home and want to see their church friends.
Plus, at this point, I have dear, dear friends at church and lots of folks that I love seeing each and every week. And if the sermon is not the most uplifting thing in the world and the music makes me chafe with irritation, I can give an hour.
Church, it is what I do on Sunday.